Andrew.
Only you could have convinced me to get married then.
Only you could have been the only person who could convince me to come to US.
I used to think you were a person I evolved away from.
Maybe that mystic trunk of twin soul connects and energy vortices was just a way of letting me feel good about a situation, where, maybe, maybe..hormones and short circuits may be to blame.
Either way, it kept me happy and trippy. And I dont regret parting ways or thinking that way.
But at the same time let me tell you, when I stand today with no sense of compulsion to find any man to get myself hitched with, it was because you gave me the amazing gift of 4 years of love, where i learnt, laughed, loved and got loved so much.
If i were to die tomorrow I would do so happily. Do you know how much that means and what big a role you had to play in it? Many many years of schooling and documentaries and field work in some of the most stricken lands took my big money ambitions away. A disease like Bipolar had to get the help of many many doctors, across 5 hospitals to get finally convinced am sick and need medication and there by take away any Achievement goals. :) all of a sudden surviving itself was just enough. And then there was all powerful Allah. With the subtlest of invasions to my sensory fields and dreams, he keeps leading me out of snares of materialistic world. He is Aliy, the sublime and Al Aziz, the magnificent. So he can do it. Just like that. But Andrew, you singlehandedly gave me a freedom gift too. Helping me ease out of relationship goals. Its relatively for a person with my value system, i think, to stay away from money, fame, and power. But oh, all the different ways the idea of having a person be one's best friend and complementary rhythm, that kinda convenience and poetry more a difficult set up to let go.
But as it struck me on that day in February at RGNIYD balcony, again it struck me today how lucky i was and am to have had that 4 years with you. You have taught me so much, given me so much, and everything from our wedding to cooking efforts to plant pressing have been so much fun.. i doubt any other man could have been all that to what was all that of me in all those years. There is a story in India about a monk who was ready to die and wanted enlightenment. But he was told that since he had no sexual experience, he could not do so. So he found the body of a king who had just passed away, had sex with his wife and returned back to his body and found enlightenment. Am not in any delusion of grandor thinking am close to enlightenment. But I am consciously yearning it. And that yearning/compass makes me know what are good and bad for me, most times. And so, the fact that we took our relationship so seriously when we did. Pulling off our wedding, managing long distance relationship, cultural differences, raising all those pets. Phew. Am feeling all smiley and fulfilled just as I remember and type all these. :)
Thanks buddy, for those jam packed 4 years. If relationships are food to mind and soul. You packaged for me and nourished me with a lot of nutrients in the most effective way. And yes, now am in a place to see how our fights were part of the nourishment too. Thank you again for all that.
All said and one, there is just this one part I miss terribly though. Your grandma. I dont know how she got lodged in my heart so deep. It breaks my heart not to call her.
Only you could have convinced me to get married then.
Only you could have been the only person who could convince me to come to US.
I used to think you were a person I evolved away from.
Maybe that mystic trunk of twin soul connects and energy vortices was just a way of letting me feel good about a situation, where, maybe, maybe..hormones and short circuits may be to blame.
Either way, it kept me happy and trippy. And I dont regret parting ways or thinking that way.
But at the same time let me tell you, when I stand today with no sense of compulsion to find any man to get myself hitched with, it was because you gave me the amazing gift of 4 years of love, where i learnt, laughed, loved and got loved so much.
If i were to die tomorrow I would do so happily. Do you know how much that means and what big a role you had to play in it? Many many years of schooling and documentaries and field work in some of the most stricken lands took my big money ambitions away. A disease like Bipolar had to get the help of many many doctors, across 5 hospitals to get finally convinced am sick and need medication and there by take away any Achievement goals. :) all of a sudden surviving itself was just enough. And then there was all powerful Allah. With the subtlest of invasions to my sensory fields and dreams, he keeps leading me out of snares of materialistic world. He is Aliy, the sublime and Al Aziz, the magnificent. So he can do it. Just like that. But Andrew, you singlehandedly gave me a freedom gift too. Helping me ease out of relationship goals. Its relatively for a person with my value system, i think, to stay away from money, fame, and power. But oh, all the different ways the idea of having a person be one's best friend and complementary rhythm, that kinda convenience and poetry more a difficult set up to let go.
But as it struck me on that day in February at RGNIYD balcony, again it struck me today how lucky i was and am to have had that 4 years with you. You have taught me so much, given me so much, and everything from our wedding to cooking efforts to plant pressing have been so much fun.. i doubt any other man could have been all that to what was all that of me in all those years. There is a story in India about a monk who was ready to die and wanted enlightenment. But he was told that since he had no sexual experience, he could not do so. So he found the body of a king who had just passed away, had sex with his wife and returned back to his body and found enlightenment. Am not in any delusion of grandor thinking am close to enlightenment. But I am consciously yearning it. And that yearning/compass makes me know what are good and bad for me, most times. And so, the fact that we took our relationship so seriously when we did. Pulling off our wedding, managing long distance relationship, cultural differences, raising all those pets. Phew. Am feeling all smiley and fulfilled just as I remember and type all these. :)
Thanks buddy, for those jam packed 4 years. If relationships are food to mind and soul. You packaged for me and nourished me with a lot of nutrients in the most effective way. And yes, now am in a place to see how our fights were part of the nourishment too. Thank you again for all that.
All said and one, there is just this one part I miss terribly though. Your grandma. I dont know how she got lodged in my heart so deep. It breaks my heart not to call her.
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