I just finished watching the Star Wars Prequels. For the first time. The codependent, intensely twined love between Anakin and Padme and its consequence suffocated me so much. I have never loved a person like that. In my flow in life I have always felt buoyed up by a universal current, briefly catching dear ones hands to transfer momentums and positions. In a way, this is because I was generously loved by my family when I was a child.
Its kinda counterintuitive. One may think its the ones that have been alone and hurt a lot that loves the most. But from my own life experience I have seen that its the ones like that that gives love the least space to express in all it's vibrant hues, for fear of losing their place in the comfort zones.
I know this from the mistakes i had forgiven, but the mistakes I wasnt forgiven for, despite contrite situations. To elaborate would be to pour out negativity into a white space. Maybe someday i will have the panache to write about a phase of my life in a way that is different from a diagnosis of a medical condition and description of an adulterous situation and more in a way that frames the wide range of human cognition and emotion.
But yea, what I take back today, from this blog writing time, is the reminder that I am not made to be anyone's Padme. Never was. Never will be. Never want to be.
Love should be an act and a sense of expansion, rendered with sensuousness. Jupiter and Venus combined. In a way only romantic love and mystic love could be. I remember walking on a narrow alley in the evening sun and falling down on my knees to feel the earth and send through, a universe sized space ship fashioned with my heart's firmaments and breath, to the seemingly far away hero I love, just for him to chance upon it and go on a spin. This way of writing is sure corny. But how else to type a description of a love of liberosis inspired by a series like Star Wars?
I think there is something either deeply sterile or deeply fertile in me. The degree of it being so thorough that, my gravity's pull is for angels with strong enough wings to fly away, fish with strong enough fin to flap away and moles with stubborn enough nossles to burrow away, when needed. So that I make either the best of cocreation or the best of cohabitation. This may superficially seem contradictory. But I believe best love relations can happen only when partners can give each other enough space.
Its kinda counterintuitive. One may think its the ones that have been alone and hurt a lot that loves the most. But from my own life experience I have seen that its the ones like that that gives love the least space to express in all it's vibrant hues, for fear of losing their place in the comfort zones.
I know this from the mistakes i had forgiven, but the mistakes I wasnt forgiven for, despite contrite situations. To elaborate would be to pour out negativity into a white space. Maybe someday i will have the panache to write about a phase of my life in a way that is different from a diagnosis of a medical condition and description of an adulterous situation and more in a way that frames the wide range of human cognition and emotion.
But yea, what I take back today, from this blog writing time, is the reminder that I am not made to be anyone's Padme. Never was. Never will be. Never want to be.
Love should be an act and a sense of expansion, rendered with sensuousness. Jupiter and Venus combined. In a way only romantic love and mystic love could be. I remember walking on a narrow alley in the evening sun and falling down on my knees to feel the earth and send through, a universe sized space ship fashioned with my heart's firmaments and breath, to the seemingly far away hero I love, just for him to chance upon it and go on a spin. This way of writing is sure corny. But how else to type a description of a love of liberosis inspired by a series like Star Wars?
I think there is something either deeply sterile or deeply fertile in me. The degree of it being so thorough that, my gravity's pull is for angels with strong enough wings to fly away, fish with strong enough fin to flap away and moles with stubborn enough nossles to burrow away, when needed. So that I make either the best of cocreation or the best of cohabitation. This may superficially seem contradictory. But I believe best love relations can happen only when partners can give each other enough space.
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