A favourite song is a dare...

Songs are not as innocuous as they seem. The songs I loved; its not just an act for pleasure to listen to them these days.. it's an act of daring, fraught with risks of being sucked into deep chasms of time and space..where one meets up with all the colours and sounds and sighs so carefully repressed.. I dared to listen to Death Cab for Cutie.. The one that goes, Love of Mine, Some day you will die... Made me cry. Felt as if I was an autumn leaf falling falling...seeing its reflection on the river.. seeing no colour in it.. Made me wonder of the sanity of choices I made. Of the Yeses not given, of the Maybes strewn about..
Pasts and futures are stories we tell ourselves.. So i told myself. Been religious about the pursuit of the pursuit.. in many ways thats the reason why this long hard preparation seems to have so much value.. have to keep increasing my consciousness density of time... focussing more of consciousness on smaller and smaller units of time... and yes, keep away from songs..

Whats with me. I feel ambitious. I wanna feel so careless. I wanna run. Forget all. I am digging my roots in. I can see myself. Can understand. Can't can't touch myself.. What's wit me.

I miss the sea so much...